This was the longest time I had spent in the dark. Or at least I thought it was. What did he do to me? Usually, I would wake up by now.
I couldn’t hear Eliza, but I did hear my brother and Logan talking to me. They were telling me things I really wanted to hear, but I knew it couldn’t be true. I knew that I was dreaming. They weren’t looking for me. They thought that I was a rogue and they moved on. Sienna was right. I was just a burden. They would finally be free when I die.
I dreamt about doctor Wren as well. I wondered why? I mean, I always liked him. We became good friends when I started volunteering at the hospital. But I really didn’t understand why I’d dreamt of him. I remembered him talking to me, telling me something that I couldn’t understand. I took the opportunity to tell him that I was not a rogue. I asked him to tell Andrew not to hate me. I was aware it was a dream, but it somehow made me feel better.
I’d dreamt about Asher as well. Oh, Goddess, how much I missed him. He was the best wolf there was. He was the best brother there was. I dreamed about touching his soft fur, and it was the most joyful dream I’d had in a long time. It hurt so much to know that Asher hated me. I just wished that I could tell him the truth. I wished that I could feel his body wrapped around mine just one more time. He always used to do that when I was cold. He would wrap himself around me to keep me warm. He would lick my face while I whined and protested. He would ignore my protests and grin at me playfully. I missed him a lot.
I could hear Andrew’s voice telling me that I was not a rogue. He told me that he would be next to me when I woke up.
My mind was playing games with me.
He won’t be next to me. He was back home, planning a Luna ceremony for Sienna.
When I woke up, Rolf would be with me. He would tell me how much my brother and my mate hated me. He would tell me that Sienna was a new Luna now. He would tell me that Logan marked her. He would finally be able to kill me.
But why wasn’t I waking up? I should have been awake by now, right?
This time, the darkness was different. Was I dead already?
But if I was, why couldn’t I see my parents? Why couldn’t I move? Was this what death was? Was I going to spend eternity in the dark? What did I do to deserve this? Was I such a horrible person?
I felt my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces. I thought that I was crying, but I couldn’t be sure. I couldn’t feel my body. I couldn’t move my arms or legs.
I was trapped in the dark and I didn’t think I would ever be able to leave.
I would spend eternity here, thinking about all the things I’d done wrong.
Like the time when I was seven and hid in the tree-house. Mom and dad were away on a trip with Alpha and Luna. Andrew was fourteen at the time, and mom and dad thought he was old enough to leave us alone for a couple of days. I thought it would be fun to hide from him. He was so angry when he finally found me. I guess that was one of the reasons why I was here.
I guess I earned myself a place in this darkness by sneaking out of the house with Amy and Jacob. I would lie to Andrew. I would pretend to be asleep and then leave through my bedroom window to hang out with Amy and Jacob at our hidden cave.
I was here for each and every time I was angry at Andrew. He gave his life away to raise me. I should have been more grateful. I should never have been angry at him because he didn’t believe me about Sienna.
Did rejected wolves came here? I wasn’t a good enough mate. I wasn’t a good enough wolf. This was my punishment for that. I couldn’t give Logan what he needed. He had to throw away the Goddess’ gift because of me. I was surely being punished for that. It was my fault that he had to do it. If I was stronger, he wouldn’t have to reject me.
I was being punished for rejecting Jake. I hurt his feelings and I deserved this. He wanted to take me as a chosen mate, and I refused. He was hurt because of me.
I was being punished for each and every time I put myself first. There were times I couldn’t volunteer at the hospital because I had a training session or I had to study for exams. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have gone to the hospital and help.
How could I forget all the horrible things I said about Sienna? I called her a b***h numerous times. I talked badly about her. I tried to ruin her relationship with my brother and Logan. I shouldn’t have done that.
I’d done a lot more things that I deserved to be punished for. I ate snacks before dinner, even though I knew it was forbidden. I faked being sick a couple of times so I wouldn’t have to go to school. I tried alcohol at a party once. I drove Andrew’s car without a permit once. I kissed Logan even though he had already chosen Sienna as his mate.
The list just went on and on.
The more I thought about it, the more tears fell from my eyes. Or at last that’s what I thought.
I still couldn’t move or feel my body. I just felt like I was crying because my soul was being ripped to pieces.
I was hoping to see my mom and dad once I died, but I guessed that would not happen. I had a lot to pay for, and I would be trapped in the dark forever. I would be alone here forever.
If I could find my voice, I would sob and scream. But, like my body, my voice was gone too.