True Luna Chapter 48: I messed up
I messed up.
I should have never let him kiss me.
Now I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t stop thinking about his lips on mine, his hands on my body, and his scent all around me.
I messed up pretty bad.
I was lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I was painfully aware of him sleeping in the room opposite mine. He’s already moved in.
Every part of my body wanted to run to him. I wanted to feel his hands on me. I wanted to feel his lips on my neck. I wanted to sink my canines into his neck, marking him and letting everybody know that he was mine.
But the voice inside my head kept screaming at me. I felt like I was tied up to my own bed, unable to do what my body craved to do.
And I knew that the voice was right.
Logan didn’t want me. He would soon realize that I was still the same small, weak she-wolf he rejected. Only this rejection would hurt so much more. It would probably kill me.
I was already battling with the memories from the cave. I had a hard time stopping Rolf’s words from constantly repeating in my mind. I could still smell that awful smell of wolfsbane mixed with my own blood. I could still see the orange hue that fire created on the cave walls. I could still feel the cold floor of the cave on every part of my body.
My body was out, but my brain was still trapped inside that cave.
And I wasn’t sure I was ever going to get out.
If I added the pain of his rejection on top of all that, I didn’t know if I would be strong enough to keep on going. Especially now that I got a taste of him, now that I knew what it felt like to have his hands on my body.
I groaned and closed my eyes.
This was going to be so hard.
It would be so much easier if he stayed in the packhouse. I wouldn’t have to see him all the time. I wouldn’t have to feel him close to me. I wouldn’t be surrounded by his scent all the time.
I opened my eyes and sighed.
‘Eliza?’ I called my wolf.
‘Yes, Emma?’ she responded sleepily.
‘Are you up for a run?’ I asked, hoping she would say yes.
I really needed to get out of here just for a little while. His scent was driving me crazy. I was seconds away from running to him.
‘Run?’ Eliza asked, and I could feel her getting excited.
I hadn’t shifted since my birthday. I knew Eliza wanted to be set free again.
‘Yes.’ I responded. ‘I need to get out of here for a while.’
She understood immediately. ‘Let’s go, Em.’
I got out of bed quietly and walked to my closet. I pulled a hoodie over my pajamas and put on a pair of sweats. I put on socks and sneakers and walked over to my window, opening it as quietly as I could.
I knew that I couldn’t go out through the front door. I would wake up Andrew and Logan, and they wouldn’t be happy with me wanting to go for a run in the middle of the night. Maybe they wouldn’t forbid me to go, but they would surely want to come with me, and that would mess up my plans of getting away from Logan for a little while.
I climbed out of my window carefully and jumped off the roof. I landed in soft snow. I stayed crunched down for a few moments, waiting to see if Logan or Andrew woke up.
When I couldn’t hear anything, I stood up and walked to the tree line.
I removed my clothes and folded them in a pile under the tree. I was shivering, and I couldn’t wait to shift.
‘Ready, Em?’ Eliza asked me.
‘Yes.’ I said with a small smile.
I closed my eyes and let Eliza take over. It wasn’t as painful as the first time, but it wasn’t comfortable either.
‘I’m sorry, Emma.’ Eliza said. ‘We haven’t shifted in a while. It will get easier.’
‘It’s okay.’ I smiled and opened my eyes.
Well, my wolf’s eyes. I looked down and saw my white paws.
The combination of snow and moonlight made me look like I was glowing. I grinned and took off.
I was running through the woods, feeling the cold air brush through my fur. The feeling was amazing. The fresh air helped me clear my mind. Now that I was away from Logan and his scent, I could think clearly. I couldn’t let him kiss me again. I couldn’t let him touch me again. Not until I had time to think about everything. Not until I had time to decide what to do.
‘Are you going to reject him?’ Eliza whined after listening to my thoughts.
‘I don’t know.’ I sighed. ‘He doesn’t want me, Eliza.’
‘He does!’ she exclaimed. ‘Leon wants us. Logan wants us. Logan regrets rejecting us, Emma. He loves us.’
‘He is going to remember why he rejected me in the first place.’ I said. ‘Nothing’s changed. I’m still the same girl he didn’t want. I won’t be able to survive the next rejection, Eliza. It will kill me.’
‘How are we going to live in this pack with him close?’ she whined again. ‘We would still want him. It would be torture.’
‘I was thinking of leaving for a while.’ I shrugged. ‘Visit other packs, travel, get some new experiences.’
Eliza gasped. ‘What about Andrew and Asher? I don’t want to leave my brother, Emma!’
‘We would come back, Eliza.’ I sighed. ‘We wouldn’t leave forever.’
Before she could respond, I heard the panicked voices of Andrew and Logan in my mind.
EMMA! They screamed at the same time.
I got so scared I stopped abruptly, tripped over my own feet, and landed snout-first into the snow.
Where are you?! I could hear Logan’s panicked voice.
Come back right now! Andrew shouted.
I stood up and shook the snow off of my fur.
What’s wrong? I mind-linked them back. I’m close by. I just wanted to go for a run. I’m fine.
Come back, Emma. Andrew said. Right now. It’s not safe.
Not safe? What was he talking about?
I looked around. I wasn’t even close to the border, and I was completely alone.
Did the rogues attack somewhere else?
Not safe? I asked them as I turned around to run back to my house. Is it the rogues?
Just come back right now, baby, please. Logan’s scared voice filled my mind.
Eliza purred at the sound of his voice, and I sighed.
Convincing her that leaving him was the best option for us would be hard.
After about 15 minutes, I came back home.
Logan and Andrew were pacing nervously around the tree where I left my clothes. They were wearing sweats only, making me wonder how the hell they weren’t freezing their asses off right now.
I could see the perfection of Logan’s body. The muscles on his arms were huge. His stomach looked hard and soft at the same time. The V line going into his sweats made me want to drool. He was perfect. I wanted to touch him. I wanted everybody to know that he was mine.
But I knew that would never be true. He would never be mine.
As soon as they heard me approach, they snapped their heads toward me.
“Oh, thank fuck.” Andrew mumbled, picking up my clothes from the ground.
Logan gasped. It was the first time he saw Eliza. He walked up to me, running his hand through my fur. Eliza purred, making me frown. Even in my wolf form, Logan was taller than me.
He cupped my wolf head into his large hands and placed a kiss on my snout.
“You are beautiful, baby.” he mumbled.
“Let her shift, Logan.” Andrew said as he tried to remove the snow from my clothes.
Logan stepped away and turned around. Andrew placed the clothes in front of me, turning around as well.
I shifted back and put my wet clothes on.
“What happened?” I asked as soon as I was done.
Logan and Andrew turned around and wrapped their arms around me.
“You are okay.” Andrew mumbled, making me confused.
Why wouldn’t I be okay?
They let me go and started pulling me inside the house.
“You need to change into some dry clothes.” Logan said as he opened the back door. “When you are done, come back downstairs.”
“We need to talk, love.” Andrew finished, placing a kiss on the top of my head.