I Shouldn’t Love Him (Book 2) – Chapter 63
LAKE
For the Morning Reflection, everyone gathered on the wooden stands to face the rising sun. The birds were chirping, the blue sky peeked through the treetops. As Gary spoke softly about positive intentions and what the day would bring, nine pairs of feet plus Tiffany’s trudged in. At ten past seven, they were the last cabin to arrive, which meant Tiffany would spend her morning cleaning up half-eaten food and used napkins. I couldn’t muster any sympathy. She knew the rules.
“Every morning we will sing a special song to start the day,” Gary said. “I discovered it earlier this year and thought this song had a great message. You may have heard it on the radio. Collective Soul’s ‘Shine’ is about seeking guidance and acceptance. It has religious undertones, but you can sing it however you like. But first, I want each cabin to come together and decide what they are grateful for on this beautiful morning. The counselors will share it with the group.
irls, who looked as energetic and excited as they had gotten on the bus the morning b
asked.
n up our messes today,” Bettina said.
one of the girls teased.
at each other. “Let’s try something a little deeper I said. “Any ideas, Hannah?
ateful for each other?” H
Fri
annah said.
on back to the front.
ree times before Manning’s turn.
elease of Mortal Kombat II last month. As a cabin, we agree that it’s one of the best things to happen this year so far
laughing.
Video games. I like it. Who wants to speak next? Cabin four?
nodded and said, Candy
I sighed.
m with.”
d.
ger: horseback riding. It wasn’t even my fear that bothered me. I would miss sharing an activity with the girls.
lked from the dining room across the dirt and dead grass toward the stables.
wman,” Katie squealed, pointing.
dle.
d with them today?” I a
looks
iss out on quality time with the girls, but also with Manning.
to stay with you?” Hannah asked.
e. A little part of me wanted to be brave just so I wouldn’t screw up this time with Manning.
ant you there.”
of the stable in cowboy boots. He gestured to the girls.
to ride a horse?”
errified, but quickly recovered.
or people.
h teased.
er, he came towards us.
a horse. Do you belie
what he said? Yes, I believed it. What sane person would do that? ? I bit my thumbnail.
either.
“
for both of us, so..
he wanted? What if there was suddenly some sort of psychotic break? I had never broken a bone and I didn’t want to start today.
crowd and headed towards me.
or,” he said.
to anyone else.
“Me?”
as bad as her mother. Better if a counselor takes it.
me and I’ll push you against a tree. She whinnied, a sinister laugh.
,” I said.
o young to die. I had never even been kissed or taught to drive.
s one.”
g asked from behind me and I jumped.
come from?
owed.
nd wait for you guys.”
ed yesterday. Maybe he had been an insurance salesman who had been laid off and decided that owning a pair of cowboy boots qualified him for the job.
I
h. Looks like Betsy Junior is safe another day.
ou wish. Looks like Betsy Junior is safe another da
ack to the sta
nd and found Manning looking at me like he w
hat?” I asked.
ow what.?
”
e you ride a horse.
“But-”
Co
or an hour. A whole hour. I would probably pass out and fall off my horse. And get trampled.
ust said you never did.”
l sportsman.” He smiled crookedly. “I’ve got that, Lake.
’s okay
ly don’t even want
ere almost black.
t afraid to get dirty.”
pushes me away?”
up and dust you off.”
something?” »
it was true for all the girls and boys around me. Which meant it was no longer just about riding horses. It was about proving what I could handle. How much pain I could take and carry on.
said without an ounce of confidence. “I’ll ride with you.”
ourself.”
idn’t believe I could,
sy Senior.” Come on.”
e wildest. I figured if I was going to ride a Betsy, it might as well be with Manning. I got it followed.
rrup with his boot.
nd ride.”
ooked him up and down.
?
e, Birdy.”
of yours.
e as a ten year old.
bly was for Manning, who could lift a horse without struggling.
and grabbed the first thing I could, almost falling as I held on to his t-shirt.
know animals can sense fear, right?”
n’t helping. “It
along, but if you think you need me more.” .”
before, some had even taken lessons. But I didn’t come here to be with Manning, I came for them. I unclenched my fist and he held my hand until I stood back up on the horse.
the reins and say ‘whoa’.”
n he was because of his father, I wanted to meet him and thank him. Betsy Senior whinnied and took a few steps, bringing me back to reality. I pulled on the reins.
ooked over
Betsy kicked her hoof
ve?”
l you? Please.”
en’t thought about that. You may have to come down so I can go up first. Can
t back on. Temporarily, I put my foot back in the stirrup. I had no way to get up, so Manning offered his elbow. I used it to slide into the saddle behind him.
id. “You’re a natural. “Ready?”
lled of plastic and a hint of sweat.
e said.
ly one way to hold on. He asked me
she lunged forward. I held on to his t-shirt to keep from falling. He pulled on the reins, laughing. “Wow, Betsy. Wow,” he said. She steadied herself into a walk. “It might tak
specially in the places we touched. And I felt his too. I couldn’t tell if the fast, rhythmic ba-boom against my palms was just the robust heartbeat of a healthy man or if he felt as euphoric, excited, and nervous as I did.
gside the kids.
omfortable?”
d against him, my a*s awkwardly pushed out to keep just a little distance between us so he wouldn’t think I was trying to get too comfortable. Worse yet, I couldn’t see above him because he was so tall and I didn’t know where to put my face. It didn’t matter.
never even ridden one.
ht.”
t home.
can climb out the window.
ble to control what might happen. Have you ever been on a plane?”
ses me,” he sai
e.
osite.
s hand on mine as I clung to it. My throat went dry, my body tingled with places I didn’t know I could tingle. “Take the reins for a minute,” he said. “
” That was a lie. I saw Manning, and Manning was all that that I saw.
to do it, because I can.” He removed my hand to pla
and I would have no idea. For some reason it was important to him that I do it myself.
ted. “Mike. Stop messing around
said.
l they look up to you. My My back started to hurt from keeping a certain
n. “Not really. No, not now.”
nowhere to put my han
e still a c
n I I’m a child.” I wrapped my arms around him again, this time pulling myself forward until we were snug, there was almost no space left between us. “And I’m getting old “He sat up straighter and I rested my cheek against his back, closing my eyes, inhaling the scent of the pine trees around us. We swayed with the
throat around him and thousands of pages read through so many books and hundreds of long sunny days in California. But the wait was undoubtedly worth it. The horse slowed down. I opened my eyes but didn’t look up. We were now at the lake. A few cabins were canoeing. Because she was as familiar to me as my own reflection, but also because she was shouting across the water to some of her daughters, my gaze went straight to Tiffany.
. His campers pointed at the procession of horses, waving at us. Tiffany shielded her eyes.
she had, what she could have.
as this frustrated me, I was g