I Shouldn’t Love Him (Book 2) – Chapter 64

Manning

Lake carried a bucket of water half his height. She placed it in front of Betsy and, with a hesitant hand, stroked the horse’s nose. We were only halfway there and she was already overcoming her fear. It was what I wanted, except when Betsy whinnied and Lake jumped back and looked at me, part of me liked it. I craved that feeling of being needed again, of being held when she was afraid. A hint of fear was good. It would keep her alert.

The air here was crisp. I could practically feel it moving in my lungs. I wished my fears were so easily overcome, but I was f****d every time I filmed. Lake was important to me in a way she shouldn’t be. His naivety about certain things made me overprotective. Then, every once in a while, her girlish mannerisms or expressions would remind me of things Maddy had done that I’d forgotten, like the way she blinked a lot when processing something new. This attracted me. On a primal level, I wanted to prevent bad things from happening to him.

s they were. She took an interest in me that no one else had in a long time, talked to me about smoking, asked me why I wanted to be a cop. Trusting me when she had no reason to. Lake came back to my side. She had barely spent time with Hannah or her daughters since we left the stables. She was here to exp

and forced her image away, she would still be there. Looking at me. To wait for.

“Why d

some water.

g her. Time could be slow like that with her, and then sometimes it passed in flashes. Sometimes I just wanted it to stop and others I wished it would pass faster.

e should go back,” she said. “The

l never seen a blue shadow of his eyes. I was sure that the image of her looking at me that way would be burned into my brain for as long as I walked this Earth.

”

n?”

, with

nodded.

help?”

o it,” I said.

nt your help.”

r. The other instructors helped the campers on the horses. How was it different? I had no reason to feel weird. Lake was Tiffany’s little sister.

foot in the stirrup and looked at me

agers.

e your back?” he h

ed up to return to the campsite. I grabbed the knob at the front o

pped.

wrong?” Lake asked.

cept that she was smoking cigarettes and chewing a lot of mint gum. “I’m willing to try,” Lake said.

sooner? Why hadn’t I been gentler, more understanding with Maddy?

ind.”

put Betsy into a trot. Lake bounced underneath me, skidding backwards on the saddle until she was right against my crotch. Until now, as an adult, I thought I could control myself. Even earlier, when she had squeezed me as tightly as a predator would its prey, her hands dan

Lake. I slowed Be

did, and I stepp

nced.

o on a “walk” with her. She didn’t want to walk. She wanted to act stupid. “I

d. “You think I like it?” she’d asked. “Girls hate me. I’m here for you, and you walk away files.

out thinking about how dangerous it could be. “Then prove it,” she said before le

t was the wake-up call Lake and I needed.

ne.”

what I got. My instinct was to comfort her, but that would probably be the worst thing I could do to a teenage girl who I was pretty sure ha

ects? ” she asked. “You can’t leave the field.” “I can if I want.” I was an adult and I went wherever I wanted. But I wouldn’t do it. Where I wanted to be, one of the mai

“Oh.”

But it would happen regardless. Someone else would be his first love. Another man would be the first to cherish her. The first to ruin it. It couldn’t be me. It wasn’t so much the age difference that scared me, but how much a person could change, could be changed, in just a few years.

nd they grew stronger as she sat quietly, guiding the horse. There was no

to do this anymore.”

rive.” She held the reins. “Are you going?”

overcame him. “Lake?” “Were you with her last night?” s

e skits, summer playlists, and whatever else young girls think about. “It’s between me and your sister.”

y and his name is Corbin.

down .”

back?” “

that far.”

ickened. Her heart had thumped against m

ng to let you

I said.

ng. The saddle, my arms, whatever.

oing?” Lake asked, grabbing my forearms instead. I pushed the horse again and he sped up. “Relax.”

outed. “Stop.”

er campers, who yelled at us. One of the instructors encouraged us. He called Betsy a savage, but he didn’t

ase.” »

irdy?” I got you. Don’t worry.”

st for a second. A few strands of her hair flew into my mouth, but she laughed again. It came from a place of pure joy. I loved that laugh so much, that carefree sound in my ears. My world was

ke.

to keep that light in my life.